It has been a rough last several days—anxiety mixed with insomnia stemming from muscle issues. Dreaming has been limited.
Fear, self-loathing, despair, nihilism, anger & hatred draw me and my mind and soul to imagine all possible bad realities. And they pull me down from whatever height I might aspire to. I must identify and exorcise these thoughtforms—at least constrain them.
Change, yes. Failure seems expected—for some reason…do I fear the anxiety? Stress? Am I lazy? No…
An unbalanced, unintegrated soul will have problems with [WTAW] [WTAW] because fear and etc. draw you toward the worse potential worlds.
I want to imagine better realities, but I don’t view them as attainable or as actually valuable.
* * *
Sometimes something happens, happenstance that is so apropos—and you forget about coincidence and all the doubt. And we trust that our lives are not mechanical or mathematical.
[WTAW] points in part to our connection to _____.
Also, the wyrms that are wise lend themselves to a very ergi/seidr approach. Galdr/incantatory acts are not so much something I’d associated with them. They aren’t runes in the Norse or linguistic sense. As ideograms, they represent concepts, experiences to immerse and to inhabit, not words to shout out.
The male occult trad relishes its secret, magic languages—Enochian, Theban, Hebrew, AND so FORTH. There is obviously a role and power to speech to signs—and everything can be as sign and representational, even non-verbal experience (hell, [WTAW] is a symbol, after all).
I still find myself wanting to invoke Arioch—or someone like him. Some Loki, but this impulse needs reflection.
Faerie and the ___—
A question that comes to mind is how I draw that closer—how I reclaim and draw in more of my faerie nature & those—what—energies? What is the wyrm that is wise there? How do I invoke that experience and manifest it?
There is a project—but speak to G., Angus, & the Guardians. Perhaps the Others, as well.
* * *
I see Christopher Eccleston these days when I talk with ShF.
HS was satisfied with my lore of the wyrms that are wise. I have begun to consider Fire in the Earth. HS is akin to SS and WM in terms of one gate towards HS—and forces that gravitate towards him. But FitE is female, most of the time, and is akin to BM and ShF. Indeed, she is the fire that lights ShF.
HS points to TTG.
FitE points to TTL. She is the feminine voice in the dark. If the lightning wand points to HS, then ___________ points towards her.
[WTAW] [WTAW] -> FitE’s wyrm rune
Anger, the fire that warms me, propels me and burns me—comes from her. She is the Arioch I want to call. She is blood lust and Chaos. Like BM, I suspect there will be a trance or possessory element, so I should be aware and seek harmony.
But I will hold off until perhaps this weekend. I should speak with G. first. He has found harmony between HS and FitE—he is composite, after a fashion
G. is also, to use an analogy he dislikes, Metatron to the Goddess’s ‘God.’
But, once TTG and TTL can find harmony, that is when Center can be found, called, known.
And part of me knows I’ve been doing something that is magic. But a “mage” needs harmony, wholeness, or else you turn into _________ if you’re not careful.
[WTAW] has something of the spider, the geyser, the volcano.
FitE is dangerous to invoke, and seductive. She is animas to me.
She is the ___________ to ShF’s Dawnblade—the Great Fire to the Lamp of Truth he is.
FitE
Wyrms that are wise in the depths of the black caverns of the soul
Dragon of the Ebon Labyrinth and the Coiling Vines
Lady of TTL
(No blood and souls…)
Hers is the pull towards Chaos I feel with BM
She is sex and desire and blood and more—& BM is her avatar (?)