Dreaming, Intention, Ritual Frustration

I projected last night after my experience, a bit fragile still in my Presence. In the glade, I lounged briefly before going to the perch. Dana-Morrigan came, and we spoke. She agreed with many of my suppositions about Elethis and the Worlds.

I wonder where I’m going—

–I’ve been telling myself to check my hands or other’s hands—I do my mudra often enough—but I haven’t done so in my dreams yet. I saw myself in a dream mirror last night, and I looked unsurprisingly odd: tall, long blonde hair, shadowed eyes, wearing dark clothing and a white shirt/blouse. My Presence isn’t solid or full or stable. And I had it torn apart last night thrice.

I flew among the branches this morning and realized I had no idea of where I was going, nor an immediate way to navigate, and intention is important, I learned and Morrigan told me—[WtaW] easily led me back here, but we stopped at a leaf, a massive expanse of living green and Green. This was a new growth she told me. I felt we were off-scale, small, which she acknowledged, and the immediate life of the leaf was potent and fresh and tempting. I get the sense she was comparing me to the leaf, and at the time, she noted I could easily claim the life of the leaf—but so could many other things. The leaf could become a new branch or feed the Tree or it could feed something else. We returned to the “Perch” and I headed back.

Intention is a delicate—no, it’s an easily misplaced state; it’s felt like an emanation. It’s not “subtle”—okay, it is, but that’s not helpful. It’s like a glow you produce—it’s the spirit or Presence’s intention; it’s a way of expressing or acting that we don’t use, like an atrophied or unused muscle.

Wasting energy on worry and fretting—

There are places for me to go, to visit—the ___, _________ (I still prefer ________), realms I vaguely recall. Even just trying to ride my own currents and threads—it’s not hard—I just make it so.

I came outside, and Elethis was majestic and fucking glorious.

We tighten and clench our supposed intentions, rather than aligning ourselves, our Presence, and our desires to intentions. A statement of intention too often is just talking and equivocating; when we are aligned, whole—we may not need to speak our intentions. Fall back into ourselves and our Presence and our intentions, fall back into the Worlds and realms and multiverse, and you will be where you want to be.

I can be eagle-falcon and crow-raven, my father’s daughter and mother’s daughter,—

This feels so much easier outside with the wind, sky, trees, and world and sun—

dJ’s energy notions don’t account for the tapping of currents that _________ has mentioned and used on occasion.

I just watched a robin and had this sense of its body, muscles, meat, life—which was different.

I think I should ask for Freya’s help now, for her guidance in learning to still and slide into the worlds.

But that’s, I think, the nature of intention in life and magic. Will you claim a desire as your own? Will you move from desire to intention to bridge potentiality into actuality?

Turn off the damn phone when trying to have a shamanic experience—

I went out into the world and set forth a defixio into the trees, in Saerien’s corpse, where one of Elethis’s roots descends into the earth.

[Later, while riting,] I found myself in the glade. Morrigan began dancing in a circle around me, wearing her headdress, sprinkling me with something. The drum music I had going helped, and after a point—actually, fairly quickly,–it was fairly vivid, but I wasn’t fully there. There’s a surrender of self I’m not doing—I’m skirting near it, coming close—and I might’ve done it had the phone not given me fucking FB notifications thrice. It takes time to get there—probably more than the 90 minutes I wound up taking, counting everything else.

I began to dance and move in a doseil circle with Morrigan in the glade, similarly dressed, and even began rising into the air.

(1) Turn off the damn phone.

(2) Choose the right drum track & just repeat it. The variation wound up confusing my rhythm and the rhythm of the experience, and 15 minutes is not enough time.

The trek with the defixio was hot but good. Outdoors seems to work well, maybe even better for me.

I’m going to write _____ a catch-up doc, I think.

Also, I started with BM [rather than SS], and I think this also threw me off—and I forgot to light my incense until halfway in.

I quit drinking wine at night before bed because I don’t think it was helping my dreaming and was screwing up my sleep cycle.

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