I’m finding I’m worrying too much over my magical progress, pushing too much about several things when focus, discipline, relaxed confidence—love and happiness with self—and a joyful exploration of self, and, worlds should be where I turn, how I live. Devotion to the Morrigan. Looking out at the world.
I have my—I have my fretting over pain & schedules, and I try to bring that into this part of my life. Maybe I should demarcate the aspect of my life, but I feel drawn to—immerse myself as much as I can.
My my my I I I—
O Goddess—O Phantom Queen—
O Dana _________, the Morrigan—
I call to you, Goddess, give myself
As your Daughter, as your Crow—
I soar upon my wings and Your Own
That You have bestowed, gifted—
I call to my sisters, to the Crows
And Ravens, the Other Phantom Children,
To _____ and Human, to Lovers,
To Teaching Guides, Students, Friends,
Companions. I call to you, ask your
Touch and Words. Mother-Lover,
Help me find my sisters and Your Chosen.
Shape me and help me come with You
Across the Worlds, to See with Shadowed Eyes
To gaze with Truth, to Gaze into the Worlds
And Changes them with that Sight.
Help me heal, Goddess, the wounds of body
And spirit; help me heal myself, reclaim
Myself from false ego, from delusion,
From demons within and without,–
Help me find, help me seize
The life I desire and gaze and enact,
With joy, glory, insight, patience,
Discipline, bravery, and action.
Honor and Thanks to You, Goddess,
Dana, Morrigan, Mother-Lover.
I wander if many of the spells and poems in grimoires are the actual incantations, like defixiones, and not just recorded.
The gaze, we are taught, is a passive thing—light comes in and the eye’s physical structures focus and resolve it. We are told the brain processes the images as we make sense of them, but our agency is still non-existent, relegated to the mythical subconscious realm that we are told is all-powerful over our lives, over which we have no control other than the thin island—no, ship of ego and consciousness. CM accepts this premise, use paradigm-shifting and gnosis to try to steer that bark to particular destinations or to drop stones into the abyss in the hopes the deep will pay attention. Or the ship seeks to slay some monster from the deep (demons) to eliminate their baleful influence on the bark [ship]. (I like this metaphor and trope—it’s rather Petrarchan in an atypical Petrarchan manner).
However, there are other ways.[1] Gaze is not passive unless we allow it to be, if we treat it as just the television of our eyeballs. If we tether ourselves to just our vision and what it tells us. We know others use vision and sound (and other senses) to manipulate us, that they actively do so. Our perception is dispersed, with vision prioritized and detached (with sound) from our bodies and our agencies.
The shadowed gaze isn’t the same. In part, it looks beyond surfaces and the material and into the Otherworlds. But CC gets something right, though perhaps through luck and outside influence. The a.p. points to an active conperception that assembles perception—conperception—and which is responsible for both mystical awareness but also action. The shadowed gaze isn’t just the gaze but all senses, subtle or otherwise. You gaze actively, conperceive, assembling your Worlds yourself rather than rely on others. And this gaze puts one in a calm, relaxed, confident position, and it is ultimately from where you do magic and act. But it is still perception, requires adaptation, truth, and cunning, but also bravery and daring. And this shadowed gaze must also, you must also gaze on yourself, shape and perceive yourself. Perception should be active. Otherwise, you surrender that action to another who will want you to see yourself and the Worlds as they do.
In going back and transcribing early practice notes, I see how many of the seeds of this Moment were there, as well, in terms of identity, magic, practice, and the Goddess.
[1] Compare the GD “ray of light” and the SoS model to the old theory of vision.