[Corunor] The Morrigan directed me to explore this WtaW that I found myself tracing in the air yesterday on the balcony. I found my way into a world of forests and dark cloudy skies at dusk—it reminded me of parts of the ___ or maybe some imagined wood in Scotland or Europe or in the northeast/Canada. I found my way soon to a bonfire in a clearing where I met two other Crows, with the sense others were nearby tending to their own affairs. I introduced myself, and they as well as V and S—we danced about the fire doseil, and I got a feel for the group, the trinity of Crows we formed. Many Crows were there, came there, and it’s one of the Morrigan’s specific realms,–might be a teaching world or a general gathering place.
I noted that a memory of a dream or some experience in the Dream came to me [there]—a man who’d I’d met, a mage or mystic [dark shoulder-length hair, dark outer clothes, white shirt] [lived or found near a city by the waters] who did something, and while the memory came to me as I went hypnogogic for a moment, I lost it as I returned to [Corunor] again. This put me in the mind of the “second attention” experiences CC points to but fictionalizes. Trance, and art may be a good way to record or tap those experiences.
Kinesthesia—I’ve been distracted from it by the muscle in my neck and so forth—pain tries to draw me into halthaya obsession/worry.
K is larger today—larger, sleeker, less pseudo-dragon/hatchling and more dragon hatchling—more a big, sleek dog with a long tail & wing span. He may have to find space in the upper loft, as he’s gotten too big for his usual perch.
It occurred to me today that I’ve accepted the Morrigan and a few other Otherworldly experiences, but I still have blinders or even halthaya, resistance, blinders to the Otherworlds themselves—there remains an expectation of mundanity, despite Elethis & crossing thresholds intentionally—actually, doing so has helped show me I remain stubbornly entrenched, anchored. Embedded, enwoven. So I embraced and called the Worlds into my life and this world and into me—verbally on the way to work. There’s a magical quality, and it helps make me call it consciously and otherwise, for I have this sense I’ve been fighting against myself—egos and contrary desires. CM for all its big talk, I don’t think they manage to eliminate ego hurur and halthaya: they merely build up a nest of “magical” egos while subtly encouraging them to see this as okay. That they rely on no-mind gnosis to magic shows, to me, there’s something contrary there.
Embedding, internalizing WtaW makes them part of me (and, really, vice-versa)—for power, potential elthil, and so forth. There’s a little fear that doing so “dehumanizes” one or ties you to supernatural forces, but it’s no different than what we’ve done internalizing Koranith & Earth & its WtaW. Pursuing a new religion or symbol system does something similar—we’re just doing something similar by choice that’s tied to Otherworlds and fey influences. Yes, it makes me different than human norm, makes me less “human,” but “human” and words like “Xian” become like “freedom”—empty signs that are defined to the advantage of whoever’s speaking. “Human” [too often] just means normative, white, middle-class Xian—and we get into false binary oppositions that have more to do with power relations than reality or truth. (And shame and guilt.) (Or accusations regarding the state of one’s “soul.”)
Kinesthesia is so fucking important—body, Presence, linking up, aligned together, and being home in your body.
Self-integration/-possession, self-knowledge, mastery—
So, y’know, the “Great Work” & self-sovereignty, etc. The Morrigan’s call becomes a kind of call for others to become godlike themselves.
Mind you, Thorn’s notions on the HGA & soul work would suggest I’m trying to awaken into my identity with the Morrigan—“I want you to be You, I want to be like You.” I’ve said. [Mind you, note the nature of that construction.] There’s a strong animas aspect there, but—but She may be a facet—an awesome, lovely, glorious facet—on the way.
“other beings unseen”
Who are my inspirations? I admire what I’ve seen of Ravenna, & want to be more like her. Doctor Ten, Nine—
K seems even larger—a very big dog in terms of length. He takes up most of my bed now.
Working with [Corunor] while at work was good for evincing Crow-ness and kept conjuring vision of the woods in that realm. It’s more evergreen, though I may just not know my trees. It was also night there as I channeled.
I got some rose incense to offer the Morrigan because I like rose, more than sandalwood.