Practice, Softening, Otherworlds

I asked the Goddess for teaching dreams, mostly at Thorn’s book’s suggestion. The dreams were odd and vivid, likely inspired a bit by War of the Worlds, but a suggestion was there of keeping aware & in dialogue with what’s lurking in my subconscious. “Old Ones” and even the aquarium dreams are suggestive of anxieties, but the dreams I had were more self-aware and less pensive. (Mind you, I should be sure to cast aside the work worries & stress when I leave, and clear and unburden my heart before sleep. Honestly, align in the morning, align in the PM, align before bed.)

Daily practice is partly about recovering yourself daily, and being able to maintain a Presence and return to wholeness, stillness, one’s “center” quickly (or at all). Her interest in breath & energy is at least compatible with mine.

I note that often in dream I’ll notice something that’ll lead me to a meta-self-reflection thought, like I acknowledge it’s a dream on one level, but not enough to become lucid.

Paths and steps. Spell for vivid recollection. Spell for awareness of dreaming. That may be more immediately “known” to the dream ego—“lucidity” isn’t something I’m terribly familiar with—and “lucid” is less personally significant as a word than “awareness” Awareness may then build and lead to more.

This step-by-step process is something many have advocated for magic—and we tend to lump too much together in to incoherent & vague piles of desire. Spell, for example, for confidence in romance. Then for opportunities with people you’d like or would be good for your mutual growth & love.

I think, from my dreams, I’m afraid of being overwhelmed by powerful, predatory forces but also by decay and probably big monolithic things—inside and out.

Do I fear being more fully myself? I think I fear mockery or reprisal for being me—[…]. So I’m—well, okay, I want those things. Am I afraid of [them? Sure]—

There’s also the question of what taboos I’ve inherited/internalized. Expressing feelings, imposing emotionally & meaningfully on others, eating/food-related, defaulting to inane BS when we’re just desperate for talking/conversation, crying before others.

What parts of me am I willing to soften and reforge?

The things above. My tendency to speak too fast for no reason & to get tongue-tied. My rigid diet scheduling. My attitudes to wealth and money. My fear of heights. My fear of dogs. My tendency to hedge and to self-deprecate. My fear of flirting … My fear of testing ….

“Discipline is not punitive.” Look at our resistance to things (we want to do), and try to make a way to make progress through that resistance.

Mistakes are not catastrophic by default.

Thorn addresses what are acts of power in Dunn, but she frames them as “will developers” as acts we should pursue with presence and intentionality and consciousness.

Don’t beat yourself up about not doing something but resolve to do better or do it next time—don’t waste energy against yourself but at what you want to do.

I have an ego—pride, etc. It’s resistant to working with others & values my experiences and perspectives as being superior to most, and that ego probably gets in the way—makes me, leads me to discount several things, but more pertinently, it hampers me working with others. I also imagine a sense of power and am worried about living up to and performing that power—and that self-importance and expectation of power probably gets in the way of exercising power. This isn’t about not seeking power, but in acting with power and self-possession, not worryging about being or seeing yourself as powerful or otherwise.

Relaxing actively into Presence, chakras & wings—and awareness/reality of magic/Otherworlds

____ points out my neck issues is likely me clenching in the jaw and neck out of worry about the tooth. This seems, well, true, but it’s also probably sore from clenching all week, and in learning my clenching tendency is an extended thing to work on.

There’s a knack to the Presence and wings—and an awareness/realization that you’ve done and are doing magic and that the Otherworlds are right there (for some reason behind and to my right), and I can feel the Worlds, almost draw on them or access them.

It feels almost like cool, clear waters, and a sly giddy joy—refreshing pools.

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