I’ve dreamt a female ghost made my shadow look like it was playing a flute, and with _________, noted her presence in the flat in the corner, though I couldn’t see her. (Dream on 8/26) That morning, I thought I’d felt her in this flat—over at the balcony door while I was at my desk—but I was distracted by getting ready for work. I don’t know if it/she was a ghost, spirit, or projection of M. I had a dream with an antagonistic woman last night, but I’m not sure still.
I went with K last night, and we walked towards the wood from the glade, using Elethis as a landmark/guide. K thought I should try to do a more shamanic Paxson-like journey, and we climbed a long trail through light trees into thicker woods, but the trees grew thicket-like with a wall of closely packed trunks and branches. I was too tired to figure it out, but we shall see.
I think all I—I believe I can pass using [Elethis], or by whispering, communing with the trees, letting them know it’s me. As I walked today into the labyrinth, I kept more aware of the Sky and HW—I am always, I think, called by the HW, but then I have wings—but the interplay, the mixing and caressing of Sky and Green caught me.
But as I think about it now, it occurs to me that there is something generative in the LW—the Green bursts forth from the earth and depths, and there’s something liminal in the MW where things burst forth, drop down. The earth and BM and the LW have their maternal aspect—it is not merely entropy.
Otherwise, my dreams suggest better integration will help me—which means conscious efforts, will to integrate. Rites and spells and living to do so—but I’m not sure, I feel unsure what living elements I would do.
I think part of it involves being able to relax, to slow down, to view moments and days and so forth as rarely crises I have to rush through.
Speeding or feeling like I’m speeding does not usually speed anything up, and it expends energy into worry and over-analysis. I think I often mentally magnify “delays”—which doesn’t benefit me. It just produces stress and blinds me to myself. And probably makes me look stressed and frazzled and over-talkative.
You can live and act towards integration if you are not hurur-ing yourself by stressing and throwing up personae that aren’t what you’d like to be like. A good glamour is often who we’d like to live or act as—others should be transitory, as we deem their lifespan. Authority is rarely frantic. Sovereignty does not often feature frenetic thought.
It’s being happy and confident and relaxed in your skin and in your life—as the breeze comes through, and the trees sough ever so slightly—it’s easier to do so.
I’ve been very busily rushing with this job, and that’s understandable given its quickness.
But it’s not slackness—well, slack is there, but it’s not zoning out or distraction. Calm, relaxed, confident engagement. And beyond that, there’s a sense of myself in this and the Worlds—it’s one part mindfulness and Presence. The Light and Presence of the Otherworlds, SG, Elethis, the gods,—I think of eldar with their shining light, and I think of Thorn’s notes on shining, and shining is a willingness to open our light into the worlds. There’s something calming and self-possessed in that, but that self-possession can turn to action.
Magic shouldn’t be a matter of grunting or squatting out a constipated brick—it should be like breathing, like speaking, like seeing, like action and living. If you imagine it as hard, then you’ll rarely convince yourself you pushed hard enough. If you have a blockage, if you have resistance—usually from yourself—then you need effort, or someone outside might apply force (the Morrigan comes to mind).
Clouds are like islands of the HW intersecting with this realm for a short time.