Integration, Reclamation, Transformation

I started to walk again last night, but I was falling asleep. I called the Guardians, and last night was about integration—integrating C-L L-C but also L-C C-L. Also, my own liminality as a topic came up, along with the crossroads I find myself occupying. In particular, I feel I’m straddling this realm and the Otherworlds more so than many other times in the past—I wonder how much I’m Presencing and Bridging—I take a breath and focus and yes, I do so, but I feel inconsistent about it.

The lake is one K says the water is not potable, and the waters not for casual bathing.

Wednesday probably threw my sleep schedule off. I should try to rite and trance when it’s not as late, but I’ve been avoiding doing so. For not good reason.

Wearing paths into the Otherworlds.

Drowsiness does not help with “Second Attention” memories. I want to enter that level of trance when I wish.

And I can sense threads and connections between myself and “other things”—people, places, and times, and etc.—these connections, these roots and branches represent courses of elthil and energy and attention, and I wonder how well I can prune old, dying roots and encourage those I want. It’s a vegetable metaphor, but it can work (better than spider webs).

The questions of what I want and who I am and who I want to become—but also what do I want to do came up. And WM seemed more talkative than normal as well as we talked of integration and other matters.

But the immersement and Presence—kenning the rhythm and so on—this touches back on conperceiving the things we try to shape and manipulate. And we have to accept our own shaping, embrace a protean, mutability about ourselves, dare to touch and be touched and feel—to interact and to change […], in action and reaction—there’s been too much an unwillingness to change, resistance to action and consequence, responsibility but also transformation. This reticence is all too human and a desire for control and authority and so on, but it probably is often a flaw, a consequence to living […] outside of this kind of temporality. Daring includes daring to change, to touch and shape and to be touched and to be shaped—by others and our actions, choices. To get ourselves dirty. To clean ourselves off.

Pruning my ties and the channels of elthil, energy, attention, relation, obligation, etc. is one way to release and to reclaim parts of myself. But also trying to forge and nurture new connections.

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