I had the impression that Freya went inside me, pushed and pulled my bodies—
—and I have felt what my anxiety feels like after it’s been blunted, and I do not like it AT ALL. The physiological aspect/component feels like—feels corrosive, like hate did. Is anxiety a form of self-hatred? Hating yourself for doing what you shouldn’t be doing, hating where you are in the world, hating yourself for being in a situation—but fear can be corrosive, as well.
I move in the shadows of shapes, moods, memories, concepts, gods, thought-gods, selves, a turning, shifting, celestial sphere, constellations of shadows turning about me, while I let myself be pulled along, influenced—but many of those shadows of ideas are my own in some way.
The SoS and the Bodies are praxes to reclaim ourselves from our unwitting submission and blind subjection to these shadows, and to do two things. Firstly, to arrange our Cosms, the Shadows we move under, that shadow or guide us to reality and actualization: to create our cosms. Secondly, to move out of shadow, to cast our own, to shine out with the light of the HW.
However, I feel—and K agrees—that I should get some grounding in the LW. The Morrigan and Odin are gods who can straddle both, all worlds, but I would be well-served to find a dedicated, chthonic friend. Dragons can be adept. K recommends G, but maybe Saerien (“He could probably do it.”—K). But Hekate—“Queen of Ghosts”—“Phantom Queen”—Morrigan
Three-formed goddess, SG, Trivia
I have looked into the LW often, and I think of _________’s account of helping the recent dead in Koranith, or what sounds like Koranith—and in that sense, I can imagine I have often found myself tangled and lost and confused there, trying to escape—or exploring idly and blindly, or without direction and will.
What is there of me in the LW, and what of myself should I reclaim, reintegrate from the LW.
Image: “Reading the Night Sky; Is There Love in Space,” by Dean Kavanagh