I had drams about cleaning away crap and blockages, things relating to my parents, and I suppose I should work on this—my childhood and feelings about [my parents] are likely huge parts of whatever hang-ups I do have,—the emotional and spiritual blockage that bars me from what I want to do, how I want to act, live, and from the Otherworlds—they bar me from feeling and living clear and bright and from bridging and integration. I also think I dreamt of forces that try to deter me—the ways my mind tries to distract me from doing what I want to do in these regards—that within me that fears to change, hates change, feels threatened by change. Hurur—the egos who feel their existence are in danger from me trying to “cleanup” and clear away debris. Also who feel threatened by the changes I would want or cause by moving beyond those blockages, in renovating my spiritual landscape.
Last night’s riting wound up loosening me up in regards to bed, more so than actual spelling, but that was still useful. I felt I wanted to explore the Otherworlds, or that my passages there were an extension of the spellwork.
I think I will try Thorn’s chalice ritual again soon. There is energy and elthil in those blockages I wish to reclaim.
The halthaya of hurur—they don’t want to be disturbed, don’t want magic and all the Otherworlds would subject them to: Chaos, potentiality, change. They’re lay and at least a bit cancerous—
—that is how I often characterized these things in poetry, though in roundabout ways. Displacing attention to the world without and not the internalized cysts. My poetry pointed to my Path,—and I’ve been trying to get somewhere for a while. I glamourized those issues as poetic, aesthetic things and used them as marvels, didn’t do anything more with them, even as I recognized aesthetic potentiality and agency for myself.
Bruno points to the “light” of “reason” to illuminate things and shadows, but I wonder at “reason” in relation to the Riddle of the Shadow—that awareness, lucid awareness that seeks and finds and creates meaning may be what he’s getting at. Bruno’s notes on expression (VI) can be read in different ways. Firstly, aesthetics/magic for things distant, removed from the immediate, are more easily conperceived by the newbie—cf. Dunn’s notes on magical perception. Bruno posits this that the mind can access more accessible, more unchanging distant things rather than the more changeable, but I think it’s a matter of halthaya: we imagine less real things, more removed from this reality, because we expect we can. Also, I think it’s a matter of fidelity: things in this world and complex figures, perceived faithfully and accurately, are harder for us to imagine than the more mutable shapes of less “real,” less true, more Otherworldly forms. It’s a matter of resolution then. Bruno points to this state for those who have “not yet mastered” the art.
“eternal Ideas to combat the influence of the Stars” (V)
In other ways, Bruno gets at aesthetic manipulation of the mind, fictionalizing experience and more for one’s own ends.