I saw that the Morrigan has stood in my glade, often before the fire, but I haven’t noticed Her. I sought to silence myself so I could listen, to keep desire and ego from intervening between us. I asked Her for teaching dreams, and She obliged.
I dreamt I was at some professional team-building BS where we all wore matching, oversized striped pullovers, and it began with a male and female staffers doing what amounted to really softcore porn “to build trust.” Then ____ and I were paired, but they brought ______ in and wrapped me up in a blanket burrito and hefted me into the air, jiggling me—I avoided panicking from claustrophobia and heat and so on, but I woke up hot and excited. To some degree, this dream was about career and social pressures to fit in and to constrain myself—whether with the [profession] or my associates like ____, _____, or maybe ______ (though she’s far more laissez-faire in terms of many things). Of course, my blanket was also constricting me.
More significantly, I dreamt of Asgard (via the MCU), and myself there as non-Asgardian but, well, fae. Natalie Portman was there as Thor’s queen, and there was some business about Thor being lost for a time in Midgard, and many had gone to seek him there, but they had been lost, too. I can’t help but think of my circumstances and my own desire to break the bounds of this realm, and there seemed some scandal, embarrassment, and so on about all that. What was more, giants (or something like them) threatened Asgard, and I heard one of their distant, deep, strange voices say the Jotun would tolerate no reprisal from the Asgardians, but they also thought to attack Asgard.
I found myself in Asgard’s kitchens soon after, with piles of Terran pastries and slabs of meat and snack foods. I saw _______ and followed him until I came through a wall panel or door back into the Earth realm. I was met there in a man’s sanctum with ______, ____, and the man—a bit Captain Jack [Harkness] but also someone else—and he asked if I wanted anything now that I was back. I said I probably could use a weapon to protect myself if there was trouble—my mind was on the Jotun—and he put a few pebbles and crystals and seeds into my hand. Like four little objects, and I could feel their connection to the earth and nature and—I had one of my dream cries. Like I’d forgotten this thing that should have been second nature to me, should have always been there, but now that I was reminded, he was arming me with my connection to home, to the earth and trees and more—
These were the dreams, but I also noted the passages through doors and walls imagery that has been in other dreams of late, representing passage and paths through the Otherworlds.
Otherwise, Samhain approaches, and I think I will focus on the closing year, the passing of summer into winter, the song of the trees, and clearing my baggage—
—I think about trying to go through my walls—
Of course, I think of the ways that Jotun are basically demons—primarily fire, ice, and so forth—but the distance isn’t too terribly far between the classic Jotun and the typical demon.[1]
I should go for a stroll Saturday night, or Sunday. (A stroll, mind you.)
We are in a very demonic moment, given Supernatural and Constantine and most every supernatural show since the mid-‘90s.
So much of what I want to do involves untraining habits and attitudes I’ve had for ages. However, as I think about it, I wonder if I can adopt a method akin to how I stopped smoking and then dieted and exercised. There were kinesthetic components to all of those—mental habits are harder to pin down, to notice. They may have somatic and kinesthetic aspects I can pin them to.
Also, “smoking” is a very particular habit I can name and identify. “Mental habits” isn’t. I want to pin down what I don’t want to do. Part of it is how I look at myself and my participation in the world. Self-image and self-social image. My reluctance to “intrude” on others—my fear of disturbing or seeming needy or whiny or uncooperative. My unwillingness to impose my desires on others.
Another thing from Asgard: cosmic filaments as WtaW and Yggdrasil.
[1] I’ve since revised this notion–culture encourages us to see the titanic, the draconic, the giant as “demonic,” but they are not the same thing.