I dreamt of Doctor Who and computers last night.
I think I had glimpsed last night’s revelations on noticing how free and magical I felt in admitting to myself—, in calling down the blue rainbow light, the faentaur, in letting myself change and immerse myself in it and the Otherworlds and ôl-vala, in wanting and pursuing/acting/daring it, daring to shape myself, I’ve touched—stepped into the Otherworlds I hadn’t before. I ken the Otherworlds all around me, and that I exist in many places all at once—. My attention bridges many of these worlds, and the Summerlands, Saiyûnor, remain mostly empty. But I am there, in Corunor, in the Dark Wood, in the Shores, in Hardûun—
I drew the faentaur down into ___________, and the blade remains a stabilizing force for me. I think I will invest more—my tools, my fire agate, my trench and even hoodie. Art, I know, is a path to shaping my experience and reality, invested with faentaur and ôl-vala, but I also want to invest myself and my spaces with this power. And this power has, must have a kinesthetic component to help bridge the magic into this realm.
When I finish casting a circle,—well, firstly, I will do [pentacle with doseil circle about it] to all six directions and then do a circle at ground level [begin hands before me and simultaneously complete the circle with both hands around towards my back] [doseil circle] [as the first again] thrice as so. I then visualize that circle and pull the Green up from below, often as a root or tree—ala Elethis—into the space. I think I also want to call down the faentaur from above—LW and HW—and bridge the Otherworlds into the space.
(The Blue?) (Calen—green Luin—blue)
I also want to start channeling elthil into my “still space,” as Thorn calls that chakral area.
It did occur to me that, given deG’s title of Be a Goddess!, I have started to try to be a goddess—
Feri, after all, acknowledges, embraces the aesthetic aspects of magic.
I think I want to do more wealth magic, if only to do better than I am.
I remember going outside at [old home] at night in the moonlight, in summer on the grass.
K asked me what I wanted with all this earlier while I walked—I told him that I wanted vulgar magic, faerie magic and reality—he hedged at me about this, but I reminded him he was a fucking dragon.
I remain unsure how to do the art—even how to do this art, what kind? I ken I’m likely [certainly] overthinking it—do the art that feels right—poetry, some drawing/sketching/rune-making, engage in the odd found art weirdness, and performativity, in general, but I feel like I want watercolors and pencils and big sheets of sketch paper.
I find myself wanting both more of the Otherworld and Faerie but also more of it in this Earth realm.
Morrison points to the Marquis de Sade writing himself an escape out of the French Revolutionary Terror and into immortality, and I wonder how to accomplish such a thing—mind you, Morrison also uses art as a means to make his CM point in The Invisibles.
I read Phonogram tonight, and it left me in an odd mood, imagining my own story, my own art of self—and I felt as if I had started to soften and to change—it’s hard to explain but in shades. Transformation is happening.
Transformation and change happen.
I am changing. Ahyaluvan.
I felt my story shifting and allowing/making that change happen.
As I med’d, I kept thinking of watercolors—and how magic was a bit like watercolors—light shades you swash over yourself and reality—at least that’s one metaphor, but only one—
I thought of how a grimoire is a magical, art, table we tell ourselves, learn to shape ourselves.
I spelled tonight to dream of my goddess, of myself as my goddess—and I took four valerian—
Image: Tall Trees by Ernst Vikne