She Continues
I’m reminded again how easily the mind can switch levels of perception—I’m out walking and—I’m channeling and aligning, and—click—K is there beside me vividly, and it’s almost actual. But—click—I paid too much attention of the—no, of a different kind, and it fell away like gossamer. The normal perception, conperception layers here are very persistent and […] … Continue reading…Click, Incarnation, Energy
I rited last night. Primarily, I wanted to recenter and work on bridging. SS told me that the paths were important and that I should focus on understanding them. ShF and I spoke of the physical component of Presence, and I told him how I’d started to grow more conscious of it at [work]. It […] … Continue reading…Paths, The Shores, Practice Notes
I dreamt last night of the warrens—I had gone into them with K for a bit to—feel them out. They were vague and hard to see, but I tried to look into where I had dreamed the night before, and I was aware vaguely of others being present—otherwise, I ventured back above and into the […] … Continue reading…Warrens, Hurur, Trance
I dreamt last night I went to [my parents’] house, had made some food for myself and for dad, and then wandered through a door into [a previous house we lived in]—finding a crowded landscape: my “room” there with furniture, stereo equipment, and toys and books, much of it junk, but just so cluttered that […] … Continue reading…Dream, Memory, Reflection
I find myself anxious, some, about [work], but I feel I’m being too much, so. The energy we devote to teaching, to social lives, to looking/seeming/performing normalcy is so extensive, so costly. [Elethis] [ôl-vala/FitE] [lucid] [Corunor] At the same time, I also feel bad if I don’t push toward some grand arcane insight or if […] … Continue reading…Attention, Trance, Experientiality
I had the impression that Freya went inside me, pushed and pulled my bodies— —and I have felt what my anxiety feels like after it’s been blunted, and I do not like it AT ALL. The physiological aspect/component feels like—feels corrosive, like hate did. Is anxiety a form of self-hatred? Hating yourself for doing what […] … Continue reading…Shadows, Cosms, the Lower Worlds
I found myself fretting and feeling that gnawing fear-obligation in regards to [work], and I fought that off, as well as I could. It’s a consuming fear mingled with guilt and obligation and more. And I wonder, Why do I feel guilt and fear—and the fear of shame. I’ve been thinking about what CC calls […] … Continue reading…Attention, Bruno, Freya
As I think about ôl-vala and the Otherworlds, it occurs to me that the spatial metaphors we’ve built up are limited flaws. Beyond the “here” and “there” issue, calling the Otherworlds is often visualized as pulling forces, elthil, whatever from someplace, along a path, and “here.” However, that’s still in the flawed spatial metaphor. Now, […] … Continue reading…Spatial Metaphors, Sounds, Kala Rite, Sacred Spaces
How do I call weird shit into my life? Previously, I think I just did, and within days or weeks, without expecting it, weird shit would start to occur. K notes it’s not hard to get the attention of the Otherworlds, and most people want it to go back away. Doing the Otherworldly, calling the […] … Continue reading…Trafficking with the Otherworlds, Will vs. Order, Winds
I went in on the 8th, the night of, and K and I made our way to the Dark Wood and up Elethis. As I made my way up the Root and then the Trunk, I became aware of a wind blowing down and out from the HW and how my wings unfurled from it, […] … Continue reading…Trancing, Spatial Metaphors