I’m feeling anxious about applying for the […] position—and that’s making me short-tempered about things today. I’m anxious about an interview, about the day of the interview and its logistics, and about getting the position—I worry about having to become someone I don’t want to be for the position, but I’m not [doing this one thing I don’t want to do anymore] or anything else—and think about ____, _____, and others…
Dance while standing may be better energy-wise than my usual tai chi BS—I seem to do better with it while sitting.
[Corunor] really emphasizes the body—the Crow’s body, vision—shifting attention to the supposed a.p. helps center & focus.
The other Crows in that WtaW are obscured, as if I’m only supposed to see the others in my triad for the time being. The Morrigan urged me to rest last night, even if I wanted to keep exploring.
Tomorrow: (1) repack spirit bag; (2) reconsecrate pentacle; (3) med and trance time, extended energy work; (4) full ritual—[(5) find the blade]
I have a fundamental dislike for elements of the elemental paradigm, for other I—the Guardians are WtaW, dragons, not “elementals”—they have elemental associations but aren’t
The GD deployed this paradigm as a way to classify (and appropriate) the Otherworlds and so on. All things, by element & Sephiroth. There’s active and passive, but these’re just false binaries. Directionality and etc. I can accept for a ritual perspective, but—what are the substantive divisions? Divisions? The Guardians & directions are good—they kind of call in the HW & LW as well.
Land, Sea, Sky? I have no Sea, though. Thorn: Worry as false sense we are doing something when we can’t.
Worry is “constriction” and “keeps up small”—it leads you to “curse” others with constriction and worry—supposedly because “we…do not want things to change.”
Mindfulness and breath, elthil, Presence
Feri’s Star Goddess is a take on _____ in only one realm, or as one realm.
Thorn’s notes/exercises on breathing are potentially useful. I think more of wholeness than centeredness, as she does, mostly because my sense of center is informed by ___ _______ & pomo philosophy. However, the importance of the body to the Presence in Thorn is noted, and physical relaxation & physical confidence is good. The breath to open belly on the inhalation and release of shoulders on deep exhalation is a good, physical, mindfulness exercise. Also, breathing into Swadhisthana (genital chakra) is suggestively sensed by me as I try it. This locale in the body may also be the center of gravity and chi point in tai chi.
One thing I note about my practice is that it really helps to visualize the energy/elthil—the elthil of the breath and the elthil in the environment. So light at the moment outside, that throws the Otherworlds and Elethis into relief. Directing a breath to a chakra also helps. I’ve had trouble seeing the Green, of late, and I think I may need to be adaptive—it was quite clear to me in Spring, but maybe the Sun is the Summer elthil? Or, if one form isn’t flowing for me, find one that is.
Her pendulum exercise looks interesting for channeling & becoming aware of elthil. I can use the red stone necklace I have for that purpose.
Seasonality is something to really explore because it changes my relationship with this realm and thus the Worlds so much. Spring is life and flush and horny Green life rushing into the world. Summer is pressure, is the presence of the sun and life but it threatens to oppress. The Green grows pale and even wan here—it’s dry and hot, but the Sun is bright.
Visualizing elthil and associating it with breath and other kinesthesic actions helps connect us to its flows, makes us mindful and aware of it, and helps us rise and better manipulate it through these acts.