Divinity, Great Work, Libertarian Theology

I read TW+TD #1 & 2 last night, and it put me in a weird headspace. In the glade, the Morrigan came, and we spoke of why people hate and fear Her. She is the aggressive, fey, Otherworldly woman, so men feel ill at ease around Her. More than that, She pushes people beyond what they are, force them to confront ego and hurur and things beyond them—

She is the sovereign who seeks to make other sovereigns. [All this makes Her teacher-like, but She operates much more intimately and totally—a teacher who brings Death and intentional ego destruction to the table.]

She & I spoke of me developing my will, and me spelling for greater will She found, well, She suggested this was a powerful and disruptive act. She pressed Her hands over my eyes—reinforcing the shadowed gaze.

—there’s—trying to grow godlike yourself, myself—it’s strange and wild and giddy and a bit frightening and sobering—TW+TD is about becoming godlike, touching the divine and bringing it to Earth—all things—all things I’ve thought about for myself.—

We went to the haven afterwards, where I drank what She had on the cauldron, and we lay, and I tried to rest. I dreamt of Her and godlike things and currents of the Otherworlds, flashes and images, really, impressions that’s what I dreamt about.

[This is “libertarian” theology—the Path and “Great Work,” especially the way AC & company interpreted it, was libertarianism of the soul. Beyond that, I feel resistance in my self against the selfish, libertarian aspect—both the selfishness and the baggage accrued for me to “libertarian.” There’s also a sense of hubris—we’re raised with stories of people who dare to godlike heights and acts, but those—a lot of this gets into Xian cultural training and general human cultural BS that isolates and fears the Otherworlds—it’s less hubris, though that’s there, than fear of becoming Other. There’s a resentment against ability and talent and skill—against “greatness,” but the response against that by the “great” has tended towards its own form of bigotry. But there are mind sets that the poor and weak and the wealthy and powerful develop that blind them and act as halthaya, mûl-ôl, and hurur. I can be godlike and great and tall and wild, fey, and free—and I can still be, live my self.]

—We went to the haven afterwards, where—

I had trouble falling asleep—over an hour—and I’m a bit sluggish this morning. I want to keep—I want more energy, more rest, and stretching for my legs. But I want more will—I want to live as goddess of myself, goddess daughter of Angus mac Og and the Morrigan, with _____________ at my side, my eyes shadowed.

To bring the Otherworlds closer, into myself and my life and this realm—because while a gauntlet/veil serves a purpose, it’s grown too strong here.

—there are always stories of ways, places into the Worlds. The notion of only death and incarnation as paths is halthaya we’ve instilled in ourselves. Those crossovers can be found, can be fashioned, though I suspect doing so would take grinding the paths open—

—There’s a folkloric emphasis on lack of mixing, and that mixing with the Other keeps you there—but this strikes me as human tribalism and One::Other thinking (human purity) because the fey often easily cross back and forth.

Committing to one’s self and what we want

Throw yourself into Chaos and potentiality and embrace yourself and the Worlds that present themselves

Thorn may be mingling will (as in “I will do this,” “I am willing to do this”) with will in its more esoteric contexts (“It is my will that…”)

Longing and seeking lives in my mind/head my eyes and mouth my ears my shoulders wings—and the unclenched chest—fear and constriction live in the shoulders and chest, too.

[I stretch my arms to my side and stretched while outside, and I feel transgressive and weird about it, even like I’m almost exposing myself. I too often want to go unnoticed, so I don’t move, don’t call attention to myself—the eye catches movement, be still, never make eye contact. No longer. I reject that. I do not do that any longer. I do express myself. I do move freely in public. I do stand tall and take up my space–]

Thorn points to the kinesthetic of magical and emotional states, the idea being to ground our magic in physicality (because she’s not a transcendentalist) and to help us locate, isolate, & reproduce states for whatever reasons.

Relaxing into Crowess during Presence—it feels like relaxing constriction, like stretching

I have always had problems with anger—anger at people with power over me but against whom I couldn’t express that anger (teachers, ______, Mom even), so I directed it at people I knew or felt “safe” being a dick to, and I grew passive aggressive instead.

I can be angry, but I do not wish to allow those feelings to spiral into monstrous, melodramatic things.

Thorn frames dare as our willingness to face the unknown and Chaos, to be willing to act without knowing what precisely may happen.

My freedom and willingness to move—how do I work media and magical acts in? Do I want to worry about that?

I’ve focused my immediate, Otherworldly attention on [Elethis] and Elethis, but Haisuith/Saiyûnor—there’re larger woods just outside.

When I was young, I was mocked for my long stride and uneven gait, so I adopted a halting discrete—for me—way of moving. I needed exercise and practice, not mockery from Mom and kids. So, there’s something to resolve: I will walk and move boldly and confidently, as I choose, as feels right and empowering to me. I’ve caught energy in going unnoticed and in passing. I want that energy back.

I worry about being seen, being noticed, being judged—I worry about judgment because I can’t control it, but why do I care? People will always judge, and most will be wrong. I do not want to care. I do not care. I would rather be free.

Confidence—relax and act with confidence. Do not waste energy on tightening. And people react to confidence. It’s hard to maintain that confidence. I didn’t feel very confident at [grocery], but I don’t know, don’t think I should feel too bad about that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *